'Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy'
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Thursday, April 26, 2007
Entries will ONLY remain public for ONE WEEK
Transmission ended 8:00 hours
Tour photos will be posted at the following buzznet under the 'Concert: Photography' gallery : http://www.buzznet.com/web/foe/users/samhain/
(Click on the 'Photo' link situated at the top to see gallery)
Transmission Two, 21/4/2007, 8:00 hours Liverpool
Long intro...
My hostel had no plugs sockets in its rooms. This resulted in no charging of camera, phone or I-pod. It also meant no alarm clock because my phone had died. So I almost didn't get up at all. Woke up 1 hour and 15mins later than planned, called a taxi and rushed to Glasgow central, it rained harsh that night how queer.
There are no straight trains to Liverpool, an endlessly array of train changes are though. Suddenly I wish I could drive and own a car.
First train: Glasgow Central to York. Thank the world for trains and plug sockets. But not for the signal shortage.
Second train: York to Manchester Picadilly
Load of football fans, suddenly I am reminded that there's a football match today...
Third train: Manchester Picadilly to Liverpool Lime St.
Took a cab to hostel, again the cheapest of a series of taxi rides I've been having. Got to hostel to realise that Ani! (Jen) wasn't there...which meant no hostel for me, but they did let me leave my bag, NICE PEOPLE...unlike in Glasgow. Walked back to town center to the Liverpool Academy, more friendly liverpool people. Larger queue than Glasgow outside the academy, a little miffed to be honest but oh fucking well. Find two boardies running about and say hi. Then crew arrive and I watch them load stuff. Shannon walks by the front of the venue, no one notices. Tim walks by, no one notices. Jesco arrives we talk, Jared comes by and no one notices at all and we go off to the shopping centre. We came back and loads of lovely Echelon are here, including the lovely echelon with my hostel place. The wonderful Russian's come. We queue properly and Tomo and Tim walk by, we say hi, Tomo replies. Tomo and Tim walk back and more saying hi.
More queuing.
We got inside and I got end barrier exactly like at Glasgow.
Certain security guard was an asshole and enabled an incident to happen that could have been averted.
We ended up waiting one hour and 30 mins for 'We Are Physics' to come on. They had no idea how that just made a lot people twice as tense, twice as angry and much less tolerant to anything. (including them for some people) Stil can't stand them, but their 'Shit is Bananas' thing did help us laugh a little.
So. We wait a small while and there is much debate over whether we will ever get past more than one song, and how Jared is still 'charging'...bahaahahaha.
Also the air con in this place is non-existent. Which is bad considering the way it seemed to be a humidity breeding ground. After, clapping fits, chanting, Booing and a small chant for water, the opening music FINALLY comes in.
Today there is a giant amp, a revolving light and a relatively unattrative security guard blocking much of our view. But as they all stroll in, shannon, tomo, tim and eventually Jared, everyone kinda forgets how hot and pissed off they are and cheer, scream jump etc. Similar to yesterday, they begin with ABL, which sounded MUCH better. There were no more technical difficulties in terms of us there came across as none. Tomo's rifting sounded beyond amazing, almost as though we heard the songs as they are supposed to sound live. Also, I could see the band visually a lot better, meaning my photos are a lot more varied (than just sexy Croat, sexy croat and more sexy croat) and the improvements in lighting mean that I finally have Shannon pictures.
Songs played from bad memory: as no set list was obtained by anyone of the boardies
>ABL
>FROM YESTERDAY
>THE STORY
>R-EVOLVE
>JARED ACOUSTIC - CAPRICORN/A MODERN MYTH
>THE KILL
>THE BATTLE OF ONE
>THE FANTASY
>ATTACK
There was also a lot more movement at this show, which made it feel more alive, more like we were at an actual show and more like people came to have fun.
...yeah so the air con was atrocious meaning more people got carried out, such as various boardies, including one who actually passed out and missed the entire of what remained of the show (which was around 2/3s). Jared walked into the crowd once, probably almost killed a load of people, by stepping on there heads. He only did it once unlike the two times the previous day. The band also were like mini fountains, you could see water streaming off them, making mini puddles and resulting in lots of towel wiping of instruments. Tomo moved around less, Jared stood still a little more, Tim did his own thing on his end and Shannon brought it as always.
So end of the show rolls round. We go to the signing with no hitches, a load of Echelon manage to pass a massive scrapbook onto the guys, who stare at its cover with immense curosity.
We wait outside. Shannon comes out, photos are taken. Things may have been signed. Gifts are given. Mars TV camera films various Echelon things, e.g. Who has travelled the furthest, winners= Kid and Ivana (the russians) and the girl from South Africa, Tattoo videoing, 'whose going to all the shows', 'who went to yesterdays' etc.
Then I went back to my hostel. (Lots of drama with that one)
Got deserted by some asses. So I had some much needed additional sleep so I slept say 4 hours and 20mins...instead of nothing.
Apologies for the lack of detail and shortness...
Transmission ended 7:48 hours
Current mood:  pissed off Current music: Muse - Starlight
Tour photos will posted at my buzznet account under the 'Concert: Photography' gallery: http://www.buzznet.com/web/foe/users/samhain/
Transmisson One, 20/4/2007, 08:00 hours Glasgow
Got up at 5am, somehow managed to wash, dress and barely make my way onto a train at kings cross with minutes to spare til lift off.
Travel by train is overrated, I'd take a plane anyday...seriously.
People give you funny looks when you straighten your hair on trains...
But life is a series of funny looks, awkward silences, and pretence smiles...so I guess its just the recommendation.
On a seperate note, 5am starts are FAR from recommended, people on trains carry too much disease, are way too suspicious and throughly sleep deprived!
So I get to Glasgow, get the cheapest cab drive ever, and have the longest maze of walking, in an attempt to find fellow echelon. Eventually, I make my way back to the ABC, and finally I find Liz, Elly and Jesco. We stand outside discussing stuff such as the girl with "JARED" written in red lipstick across her face and the weather conditions of the Berlin show back in february. Tim appeared. More talking.
Then the people behind us get frantic and disappear to the side of the bus, Tomo and Tim had appeared.
They were running over for pictures and huggs and what not.
We didn't really go over, we didn't think they'd want a whole load of people catapulting themselves over. So I walked past them, Tomo and Tim, and went to Subway.
Subway was really fucking nasty. I walked out and went to cross the road..and noticed Shannon and a man with a video camera. I felt bad walking directly in front of them. So I turned to Shannon waited til he had stopped talking and said good afternoon...he smiled and was like 'you have very pretty eyes'. I said 'thank you' and asked how he was. He smiled and said he 'was good and his day was good'. I then said 'that's nice,... bye' and ran across the speeding road, back to my echelon friends.
RANDOM:...I swear that I am probably going to run into that man every show, shannon...not that I mind he was polite and sweet.
So we queue and other people from the boards arrive (too many to state now). The queue around say 5:30pm begins to have to start parellel us, that's when it starts feeling like a real queue.
So we start filing in about 7pm. Usual, tickets out, bags searched, in you go. We go up a set of stairs and are suddenly entering this weird room with a TV screen, it has couches. Sounds like a lecky room for the big wigs who just wanna use there status to get in and pretend to watch the band while drinking themselves stupid on the complimentary boozing. Oh and we don't go in straight away. We turn and have to join a crowded queue on these steps to some other doors.It seems the band are still sound checking so we have to stand there and wait. It was okay except for the continual view of Psycho girl with her lipstick 'JARED' on her head and sharpielike scrawlings of 'I Love Jared Leto' on her arms.
Demented was all I can say...that's how she looked...just making an observation.
So we're all let in. Most of the Echelon are on the front. I am at the end of the barrier, next to me is just open space and the step down to the floor. How I love that step-up barrier. And don't worry...Psycho girl was firmly in place. A funny thing about the end is that...well no one seems to want to bother you...oh and I'm on Tomo's side.
After an amusing soundcheck and realising that the guitar already sounds awful, the support band 'We Are Physics' come on.
There like a very confused Test Icicles (on a good day) meshed with a maximo park (early days). Although Libby's definition was much better...something about a 'cat going through being castrated'....
Didn't really like them too much.
Maybe they'll grow on me...(hopefully like a flower and not a wart I want surgerically removed).
Also the lighting is very very poor :-/
An hour wait and then 30 Seconds To Mars...
Can we say EXCITED
(Note: if this part is a bit askew, I apologise, its currently 6am, and I've had no sleep and just got on my 1st train of the day)
The ABC has giant curtains that can be drawn to cover the view of the stage while the tech's load and check all instruments. The curtains were drawn prior to the end of We Are Physics performance.
Okay so finally the interlude music turns off, the lights fade and the slow dramatic music that opens every 30 seconds to Mars show streams in. The curtains on either side of the stage are drawn. (Thin wispy red curtains.) As the music continues to play, effects with the lights and shadows are used incorporating the slightly opaque nature of the curtains, making the opening all that more interesting and dramatic. From behind the curtains, stage right, (Tomo's side) we can faintly see Tomo appearing and 'hopping' up and down as the music keeps playing. At this point I wonder when the curtains will be drawn...if maybe someone has forgotten. Then I hear the all important section of the opening music that signals that 30 Seconds to Mars shall be making an indefinate entrance soon. As this happens the curtains as quickly drawn by two security guards revealing Tomo, Jared, Tim (all facing with there backs to us) and Shannon at his drums. This is when people are reallly screaming, high-pitched and painful. Shannon counts in 3 times on one of his cymbals followed by Jared who spins outwards towards the central stage area, Tomo who bounces in sporadic bursts sideways stage right like his life depended on it, Tim who jumps in the direction of the crowd strumming madly, truly making the opening song 'A Beautiful Lie' spectacular. However, as we enter the first verse (the audience if not us at the front row singing in unison with Jared) it becomes painfully obvious that there is something wrong with the song, Tomo's guitar to be more specific sounds 'different', he can be seen to turn various knobs on his Amp head and pressing various pedals anxiously, his own attempt to deal with the problem. Jared talks briefly during the space between ABL and TF, noting the 'technical difficulties' they were all experiencing with difficulties in hearing themselves play, and us hearing them. A small time later, during the second song, Tomo be can seen looking rather angrily at the tech, who had now materialised and was attempting to fix this technical error. Tomo was not a happy bunny...or squirrel.
The usual drum roll intervals between songs occurs, reminding us of Shannon's skills, Jared talks a lot, discussing how its their 'first time in Scotland', how they'll 'come back over and over again' and an interview previously (possibly during their stay in London two days prior to the tour?) done where Jared states he was told "Wow Scotland, its very small" and he replied "No not really etc etc etc".
So they play more songs as they obviously would, including Buddha For Mary, From Yesterday, hardly any '30 Seconds To Mars' first album, (see setlist on Buzznet album) there are many wonderful moments where we get to see Tomo screaming at us to 'Give him more' in terms of our response to there songs. There is also a rather amusing point (or points) where Jared asks the crowd whether there is something preventing us from moving, swaying, moshing, dancing, having a good time etc, (I guess we weren't as um 'Crazy' as he had been told Scotland was) before asking each side of the audience to push against the opposite side, which we happily did and opening up a pit in the center (which lasted around 2 songs, 3 max). There's also a point where he asks everyone from the back to move two steps forward. (Not that it caused much pain as there was an unusual amount of people upholding 'space' barriers). Yet, bizzarely not until after Jared's acoustic did I actual get in anyway squashed, a large gap behing me for some obsure reason being kept for most of the show.
So we finally get to that point where the boys run off stage and Jared gets an acoustic guitar and 'requests' a song from the audience. All the people who had met up previously outside from the boards all begin chanting and shouting 'FALLEN' hoping that maybe Jared might possibly listen. He didn't if you were wondering, but he did play a wonderful acoustic 'Echelon' and 'Was It A Dream'. The screaming subsided slightly as people realised that if you don't scream you may actually be able to hear Jared's beautiful acoustic serenade.
This ends and the rest of the boys come back to their positions, instruments in tow, Jared asking us if we want to 'dance' and that we best go 'insane' for the next song, asking us to repeat after him. 'Do you love' 'Do you die 'Do you bleed', only we do it already. The Fantasy. So we do go mad, Jared asking as to sing along at certain points before he propels himself into the crowd, still moaning, as appropriate for that point in the song. I think I rolled my eyes at this point, similar to when Jared states later that 'this is the best show they've ever done overseas yet'. I also think I was seen to roll my eyes but that's another story.
So the final song rolls round, and I feel oddly sad.
Attack is wonderful. People are FULLY singing along, not just screaming. Swaying, moshing, whatever. Jared jumps into the crowd again, comes out and has to wait for the crowd to give him back the mic, leaving us to sing the song alone until it does. At the bridge 'your promises...' Jared puts the mic out to us, so only our voices can really be heard over the guitars and soft drum rolls. The ending is pretty ...kick ass.
So we hang around a little bit after the show, trying to get a setlist, which we do
We take pictures of the setlist and our beautiful sexy selfs...a couple of times on various cameras.
This is when drama ensues. As always just before the last song, Jared has told the audience about the signing at the end of the show. So one of us goes to use the toilet and the rest go over towards the signing line, and are told we can't join, it is closed. A series of 'unpleasant' confrontations with security occur, we get forced out, but its all good as the almighty Greek Echelon saves the day, and we get to go to the signing, which is interesting nonetheless.
We go outside. We wait outside the front cause we want pictures and so forth. Shannon comes out, people flock to him. As I stand watching this, I can't help but notice in the corner of my eye in opposite direction, a certain guitar player 'discreetly' making his way to cross the road to subway. It was amusing to watch, especially how he seems to attempt an 'undercover Mi:1' approach to crossing the busy road as buses, cars, and Taxis happily speed towards pedestrians. We leave him, thinking we should at least leave the boy in peace to eat his snack. Tomo runs back inside. Again no one notices. Shannon's signing and photo spree ends and he runs inside. A long wait later, Tomo comes out and signs and photographs for everyone. Me, the kid and others wait and get photos and the famous 'Tomo' hugs. We then go over to Tim who is relatively ignored by everyone in Tomo and Shannon's appearances, who seems surprised and grateful to get pictures with us. We then end up going back to Tomo, as our pictures aren't as great as we originally thought, and at one point he tells Kid why one of her pictures turned out bad. We stuck around a little longer, looked over Kid's pictures (which are stunning and amazing pieces of photography), and then listened to some people talking to Tomo and made our way to our various hotels and hostels.
Current mood:  tired Current music: 30 Seconds To Mars
Saturday, March 3, 2007
I was talking to someone the other day about birthdays
moreover, their birthday. Arrangements.presents.etc.
and i suddenly became more conscious of my own
and how i know
nothing will come of it
there will be no arrangements.presents.etc
because no one remembers my birthday
or has time for it.
it is just another day in the year
where people ask. "when its your birthday?" and when i say "May" they look all surprised and show fake concern at make-up 'things to do' cause they missed it.
the funny thing is, its the same every year, its the same people every year, the same friends, the same excuses, the same plans.
And every year, i go to there birthdays, buy them presents, and make sure that 'special' day is special, with nothing in return.
the same people who promise to remember, like it means something to me.
Like my birthday is actually supposed to be fucking anything.
I don't have parties. i don't go out. I don't get gifts. I don't do anything.
I am a shitty person, so i guess it fucking figures
Hope you have nice birthdays
Current mood:  gloomy
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
having conversations with people, is something i've been lacking lately
bar maybe one person. its mostly been stuttering cover-ups and second spatter's of random words. Although cigarette lover and residential alcoholic has much to blame for this, as i do.
I FINALLY found the word for what i am (well i was told it) RESERVED...
which maybe seems a strange thing to be happy to know...but then i'm strange so deal.
I feel genuinely happy today, even in light of the family problems, the solace, the finances, and so forth.
I dreamt of 'Marko' last night and it was filled with the strangest of issues, entwined into this one dream.
Overprotection, lust, love, hope, fear, expectations and accomplisment.
lalaladadadadadada
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
....I have random swollen patches. My body refuses to bruise. And my head has yet to stop hurting...:()
but at least my friend got the scare of her life something about dirty remembering her dislike for his clandals...
Its odd being in my room fully
Especially when you've either fell asleep downstairs or in other places beside your own bed.
Delete me from your speed dial, hang up our friendship key and get the fuck out my life.
I can't think straight or in comprehensive sentences properly
but it was a good couple of days
My head won't stop hurting...
*goes back to sleep*
Haha concusion....funny....very funny...
Current mood:  stressed Current music: Heaven Help Us, MCR
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Lean marks across face against the speaker
silence from the echoes of breathing.
Hopefully waiting for that one sound.
But it never comes. I always wait
One day I'll be connected again
I'm not the only one who skims through a contact list waiting for someone to come on, and then pauses when the time comes for real conversation.
There's nothing better than the speech bubble that says your typing soon
or the simple words we spew to survoy the greatness of emotion
I'm semi headed again
One step forward, another step back...how long til I forget and step too much in one direction.
Feeling nauseus from things I can't remember, drunk on whatever hits me first
I love you more than stars in first dwarf status. Or string theory on a sunny afternoon, on Ponciana Boulevard.
Spelling to the dogs, spelling to the dogs
We turn you trash gold...while you sleep
Current mood:  blah Current music: SILENCE
Saturday, December 2, 2006
Maybe i realise too much in conversation
Perhaps i spend too much time observing the nature of people and those i'm around.
Maybe its just something in MY nature...
How during our conversations not once do you ever really mention her. Never. Shes just that ring on your finger type thing. A passing note on your life achievement resume.
Yet i felt i hurt something when i asked of you of who you were with, as in home and lodge and love and life.
As though i'm supposed to realise these things. Your hot and cold is supposed to mention the small print or rather large print in your resume-d contract.
The tunes of dead end calls...
pour the champagne pour the champagne
mmmm
read me . weep me, burn and keep me.
Ashes are better than corpses, you'll only lie and devaste when it rots your remembrance away. At least Ashes are forever.
Current mood:  sick Current music: Zebrahead
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Earmuffs and scarf = cuteness
Glistening like tinsel
Yeah i love how all is right now.
Well cept our shitty friendship...
I need to so punch someone
You wouldn't think sum1 as cute as me could do such bad...
I love how i look right now.
Striped top. Ear muffs. Scarf. Skirt. The purple tights and me.
I wish you were here to see me like this, maybe then you'll understand the feeling...
Current mood: sad Current music: the drip of taps into mop bucket
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
That is my greatest fear: that my own private time shall be destroyed by our countries need to survalliance everything.
That they will discover my partial psychosis, my schizophrenia. I fear enough my insanity (i guess it is that), i do not need others to escalate this fear.
The smell of caffeine or more specifically red bull like energy drinks, makes me quesy. They smell nasty. I won't comment on the taste, as i am a hater of the caffeine.
Yeah i'm bored watching a nazi movie in politics, while my head spins from the red bull smell and forfeits it from being sick from it.
So so so so
Friday, October 6, 2006
Sometimes I wish I could just paste in ur journal entries to feign to my own
If only because they are closer to my heart than my mind lets be.
If only I learnt to sync them that way not the other way round, how much easier each day would become.
I hate my vunerability.
I would tell you...if I wasn't afraid of the care your words would echo as they urgently potrayed ur fear and guidance through the simplicity of the internet message.
Or how I'd hate myself for letting anymore feel that way...its not a 'nice' place to find urself in
Finish later maybe?
P.S I HATE when u apologise to me...it only makes the therapy hurt more.
You are the cancer, I am the therapy, and together we'll etch you from my insides
Current mood: apathetic Current music: I'm not okay (I promise) MCR
Saturday, September 30, 2006
You know when the most stupidist of things makes you wanna go fuck it...I'm gonna be immature about it too, so they too can be fucked off
Well that's todays goal and its going pretty well if I must say so myself
Me and my rage, me and my rage
"The innocent and beautiful have but one enemy time"
Current mood: aggravated Current music: Welcome To The Black Parade [RE], My Chemical Romance
Monday, September 18, 2006
Y'know when u just hope to avoid the same old misses and hits of last year.
The same old faces, and backstage glances, that all equals the same old same old...bullshit.
But y'know exactly how this years gonna pan out, through and through...
Yeah? Thought so...
Alone...
In a cafe nero, drinking and eating food I truly can't afford.
I'm anxious...
I don't like this place already...its only been a couple of hours.
I only pray my face says different...
I'm starting to hate being me...
Yeah EMO...I get it...
Fuck off and die...cause I really I'm not in the mood for ur emo bullshit slang match right now...
...only another 3 hours I suppose
If I don't fall the hell to sleep
Current mood: uncomfortable Current music: `Dying To Say This To You´ By the Sounds, 2006
Tuesday, September 5, 2006
Rain. I really want some rain.
We're almost on the route to `home´.
Few more hours and I'll b in the air.
I'm not sad we're leaving...
Its like the gloss of autumn has left me lusting more the shimmers of spring...its only a season or two away.
My sk3...it won't be useable for another....80 days
Then I'll be back and running with sk3 beautiful.
And my t-mobile UK card mwuah ha ha ha
And I'm only anxious bout my suitcase
Like will it exceed weight limits...
I'm a girl we buy WAY TOO MUCH stuff...
Sayanura summer skies....good afternoon autumn rain, snow, cold etc
Oh and Joe...
8-D
Ha ha ha
They sit in trees y'know!
Current mood:  anxious Current music: Almost there, The Academy Is...
Sunday, September 3, 2006
...sometimes I wonder if reading does me any real good.
I mean I learn new words or uses for words, and I guess it widens my mind.
but it only encourages me to think more...
So I have more thoughts and...never mind...
"Wtf is she doing?, I mean its lashing down"
" Doesn't she care she's getting soaked"
"I guess not"
*continues staring*
Maybe that's the conversation that there having as they stare mumbling quietly to each other across from me, or maybe i've made it too concerning...
I like walking in the rain. It doesn't clear my head, wash away stuff... it doesn't calm me much nor is it soothing.
I just like it.
Like peanut butter....
The intoxicating smell of burning plastic
...thoughts can choke you...
It became steadily stale as it was written the above....
I really wanna die in a car crash right now I mean if it hits u fast enough no pain but also if it hits u fast enough ur incomprehendible in other ways and yeah and that's not really suicidal. My intentions are to allow fate to put that motion in process.
This is a rain moment.
Where I'm soaked and you all fucking stare and I pretend I don't see it...no banana's
There's no after tatse to worry bout...
And right now all I wanna tell u is the random thoughts I've picked out from the thousands
And they'll invoke emotions I'll deny later
Even if they threaten to jepodise...
Current mood: anxious
Monday, August 28, 2006
...
Ephialtes
So we sat in the recurrent rain cycle like its all we know to do.
Tell me again what your dying to say. Its always better when I hear it from you first. Even if I know you'll never tell me last...
...I wonder if my 'fancy' words no longer hold the impress they used to hold...
Now that the glimmer of first comings has well gone and shaded
all you have is monotone
And the Schzoid.
Why is there never anticpation?
Just the 'pation'?
...If only I can really talk...
Facade future to present....for sweet talkers and peasants...
Halo- Stutterfly [post stutterfree...if only life was mort comme moi]
Edit.
Dreaming reminds me of why I don't like to dream.
I'm in that mood again
Like apathy...but worse.
Where all I can feel is my heart beating painfully against my chest to remind me I'm still here, and the odd buzz of a car passing or my sidekick making a regulartory sound.
I don't even notice time
Vacancies of conversation reminds me too soon of the secrets I let slip on the daily.
And that's when I realised that the nightmare was merely a footnote in this place I call life
Current mood: sick Current music: Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her ...
Saturday, August 26, 2006
its raining like nobodies business y'know. feet of water slowly transcending the doorstep like an invitation for drowning. forget your hurricanes and tidal disasters...what about us short people near a man made pond of growing imperfection, why build ponds in places with water on the daily, why gives bombs to the people most likely to create your enemies...that's people for u. all brain and no thought...jeez I hate the vibrations of a phone when ur trying to talk...I like my finger intact thank you very much. tell me again is the sky blue where u are or conviently purple?
cause my rain check was a world on legs laced with dandelions of your deceit...sometimes Greed's brother is best kept personal...did you really think it would stay leafed over.
you selfish fucked up bitch
if you keep going this way I will slip and when I fall and catch my blue blood on the ground its your secrets I'm gonna spill.
you seem to forget that you have none that bear my name and in my paranoid urgency to keep myself self-ful, I didn't share an inch with you.
So I'd take ur tape measure and wrap it round your pretty little throat or shuffle it into u mouth and towards your vocals whatever keeps you safely silent the better. solitude is a virtue you need to combat.
oh yeah...
...I WOULDN'T PISS TO PUT YOU OUT.
Oh and I like you other girl...you were okay generally...spoilt but okay...
pps drumsticks are waiting for you...minature wooden assasins of maple wooden joy.
thank u Rikey...
and Cara...
Dam that was a long time in the making
breathe exhale...its the only way to live
How is life on planet me btw?
excuse the confusion...its the twisted way my mind works...
blame the cupidity of living...you have only yourselves to blame for hearts that do you well...
unless your fat/ obese....then your doing one fuck of a Job bitches...just don't infringe on my healthcare or fat on the grill won't just be a sweet memory of my misguided thoughts once present.
Current mood:  restless Current music: A Deathgrip On Yesturday
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Jeez its like at least 1pm there haven't u people heard of getting up B4 12PM [UK Time]
I haven't found Yellowcard yet...or the real Mickey mouse...
But lots of turtles, mutant turtles....jeez i'm tired...
Stupid aircon was too cold to sleep in, i kept waking up...that and the weird Pete dreams with Travis from Gym Class Heroes...I think i'm into him too...
Something about his blunt chat up in "Clothes Off' and Humour in 'Snakes on a Plane Bring It'
Why must every man remind me of every male friend i've ever had or known....jeez its creepy
I'm going crazy here like nobodies business...and lost my passport..!!!
Yes and it also thundered directly within the Villa Complex...
the cable went and i was reserved to the sounds of 'As Creul As School Children' by Gym Class Heroes for at least 2 and 1/2 hours...
Not that i'm complaining, i like Travis's Pretty Voice against the beats and guitars of his Gym Class Hero Mates...
Thank u Cara for commenting me...i'm not alone...with MY jar of dirt...ha ha ha...
Awww you got a puppy...called Sonny....sweet
Oh yeah...Fuse....WHY DON'T WE GET THAT ON SKY IN MY COUNTRY WHHHHHHYYYYY... i mean...i've seen videos by artists that well i've never seen....like TBS the early videos the one based on Fight club
Cute without the E [Cut from the Team] i think
or like Note to Self...
and all these other videos that artists 'FORGOT' to show its devoted ACCEPTING Uk audience....
they even showed Vampires...thats never been aired on Uk TV...I had to hunt that SHIT down.
But yeah...
Comment me OTHER PEOPLE...not just Cara...i know Rikey has a computer WITH internet and stuff...and she can just hijack Finky_Way's to contact me on here....<<<clue
PS I met a HOBO and a CONVICT and a women who likes to....SHARE on a bus the other day...
Oh yeah i love those bus Rides Like NOBODIES BUSINESS....
I'll Explain later
Current mood:  *Humms Gin Joints* Current music: The Sounds ' Queen Of Apology' Remix, Snakes On A Plane OST
Monday, August 21, 2006
Animosity. That's may general feeling. No its not apathetic. It doesn't exist.
Forgiveness IS a virtue, its too complicated to be easily given.
So I haven't forgiven or recalled upon that friendship, I'm in animosity.
Think `Exs and Ohs´ by Atreyu.
I take everything to heart and true that is my downfall, but it makes it all more easier to make things dead to me. You are the cancer I am the therapy, and slowly you will be edged away from my insides.
And if Dirty Little Secret is played one more fucking time, I'm gonna shove those secret cards up those fuckers arse's, why did u re-release don't u have enough royalties already!
...I mean is a couple more pennies that dam important?
...I really don't like being used...
...u only have three things that are mine...
...once collected...arrivedertecchi...after that
...stale hearts and blue lies
Now to the real reason we're here...the holiday
day #6 and i'm still in general apathy to this place.
If u wanna feel racial paranoia, the people this is the place for u.
Disney. Disney is dead to me...its gone past the point of excitement where i get some unbeknown joy from having my picture taken with some dude in a giant mickey mouse suit.
its expiration date is summer memories i never had.
the I-pod was destroyed...my dad broke it and it meerly adds to the insanity of silence that the incompatibility of my sidekick in the country IT WAS MADE, has created.
and i can't even leave here.
that was my intent...but its amazing how the venom shines in there eyes when i try to escape here and the prices are high.
but there's no point crying... EMO IS DEAD U CAN ALL GO HOME NOW
*imagines Peter Wentz and Gerard Way fighting with Water pistols. water washes away all make-up [eye liner included] and washes out cheap black hair and clothes dye*
EMO IS DEAD YOU CAN ALL PISS THE FUCK BACK HOME ALREADY
ha ha ha ha
Temperment is a facade....mine just happens to have its own reality attached to it.
Comment me about how your lives are going?
hows canada
hows london
i heard u washed MEL....*patts on back* well done jks
oh yeah...i'm going to Kingston with Yvonne...that provides happiness in this Animositic state
Current mood: crappy Current music: Snakes On A Plane [Bring It] Soundtrack
Saturday, July 29, 2006
The sadness that consumes me when i realise you may have just helped fuck up my life.
The life i don't want to fuck-up, fuck-up.
Two little words that people seem to adjustfully sucuumb to happily in a bitter sweet way that makes the denial children go 'no your not. your not that, your much more than that'
Much more than that? Is that supposed to highlight a flaw in the flaw you've transcended to find and say "Guess what your a Fuck-Up, parellelly speaking too?
Tell me again...
The uncomfortableness of being chatted up by a stranger,it just makes it harder to be not nice, to be mean.
'Nice'
how that word haunts me.
Tell me again...
You've made me just like you, or rather how you want me to be. Why must my friendships become an entrapment?
Yes an entrapment where i fear the trust and trust the fear,
Beauty is truth, truth beauty - Yeats
Which one do you want? Truth or Beauty.
For both lie in the same way, the beauty of the heart is the truth to which it reveals hence 'true love'.
Tell me again...
When the indecision forgives me and the Irony sets in maybe then my 1am phrases will cascade into phrases of thoughts that bear no meaning...and your minutes of transcibing and translating will be simple...
Tell me again...
Its better to be miserable than lonely. Take it from a pro, his lyrics all list with F and end with Y...
Lost In Translation yet?
Buzz me like a Polaroid and maybe i'll let give.
The Stutterfly [post- stutterfree, you androgenous imp child]
Current mood: discontent Current music: '7 weeks', InMe, White Butterfly (Special Edition)
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